The Pack

I became a mother five years ago.

Many experiences have arisen over these years that have lead me to realize my once gross underestimation of the difficulty in raising one, then later two, children. As time passed, I realized I was most ill prepared for the complexity of my emotions on a daily, hourly, and even minute to minute basis. Joy juxtaposed with fear, pride intercut with frustration, and contentment mixed with sheer mental exhaustion. Many have penned platitudes and advice galore in an attempt to capture the essence of these, sometimes raw, emotions. The adequate combination of words may not exist.

Throughout my life, film has always given me an outlet to elaborate on a thought or emotion. Never before has this been truer than in my journey into parenthood. Particularly, Disney films have captured many of the emotions I have experienced in my time as a mother. It inspired me to explore these feelings, or parenting lessons, on a movie-by-movie basis, which brings us to this blog- thank you for joining me on this adventure.

“NOW this is the Law of the Jungle — as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.

As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back —
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” -Rudyard Kipling

http://movies.disney.com/the-jungle-book-2016

I’d like to begin this journey with the 2016 version of The Jungle Book. This is a story that has resonated for many generations, in multiple formats, for good reason. The original Jungle Book was a collection of fables, written by Rudyard Kipling and published in 1894, elucidating on moral lessons for families and communities as a whole. Evidence indicates he wrote the stories for his daughter, Josephine, who died at the young age of six. Each version of The Jungle Book has found it’s focus in highlighting a virtue: acceptance, courage, kindness. I found the most recent iteration of The Jungle Book to focus on a theme I have found increasingly important- reliance on one’s pack.

Mowgli is adopted by a pack of wolves and throughout the film they emphasize one lesson; our strength lies in the support of those who surround us. We all have talents that make us unique, but they alone are not enough.Each generation places increasing emphasis on the importance of our unique gifts versus the need to function as a unit. My generation seems to be one of the first to be told, ad nauseum, that we are special and meant for an unseen, grand destiny of self-reliance. While there is a great truth in the power of maximizing our gifts, also a theme in the latest version of The Jungle Book, the pack, or family, give a foundation on which those gifts can soar.

I would venture to say, that few other experiences in life brings an individual to their knees, like having a child. Parenting is a paradox where one can be constantly surrounded by people, but simultaneously lonely and isolated. I no longer felt special. I no longer felt empowered to fulfill a, yet unknown, purpose. I felt tired, overwhelmed, and, perhaps most of all, frightened.

Gradually, I have begun to see how this life altering role began to change the relationships around me. My husband and I became inseparable partners. I gained new respect for the sacrifices and standards set forth by my parents. A new depth was found in my relationship with my sister. I found solace in friends, who allowed me to see I was not alone in my daily sensation of joy (tinged with more than a bit of frustration). Colleagues pushed me to strive for new heights in my career while still being rooted in my role as a mother.

Thinking about  these rich and varied groups in my life gave The Jungle Book additional emotional heft. The unorthodox nature of his varied caregivers (wolves, panthers, bears) initially seem to be Mowgli’s downfall, at the determination of Shere Kahn. They sometimes held him back unnecessarily, gave him bad advice, or even attempt to force him to leave. These animals mirror the relationships we form in our journey as parents, as well as the ones we guide our children in developing as they gain independence. They provide physical and emotional support. They teach. They console. At times they lead us astray. In the end, though, so much of who we are is shaped by who surrounds us.

http://movies.disney.com/the-jungle-book-2016

Reflecting on the need for a pack initially revolved around the need for support. In recent months, my husband and I have had various stressors piled upon us. One, or both of us, would come home browbeaten and discouraged. We both felt our individual problems outweighed those of the other. We almost felt a resentment that we did not have an empty vessel at home waiting and willing to receive our negativity. As a result, for a period of weeks we made no progress. We continued to wonder why we were having these issues arise at the exact same time. Why couldn’t one of us be happier or encouraging? One evening our daughter, looking concerned, asked, “Did you both have a bad day again”? The moment was painful, but an instant catalyst for change. We both knew we could no longer simultaneously become mired in the problems that loomed large in our heads. Even though we have always been very close, we historically tended to problem solve dilemmas, that did not directly involve the family, on our own. Over time, some issues have resolved and some have not, but I learned I needed to rely on my partner and alternatively dig deep to give him the support he needed. In retrospect, going through difficulties concurrently brought us closer and allowed us to see that our individual strength lied in each other. It took the gentle words of a five year old to remind us of the need for our pack. 

This theme of emotional support has gradually evolved into discovering the unique elements we all bring to our pack. Each member of Mowgli’s pack brings a different perspective to their role in his development. Bagheera gives wisdom. Baloo brings levity. Raksha provides a mother’s undying love. Even Shere Kahn, allows Mowgli to feel fear of what he could become if he allowed anger and grief to consume him. I have begun to see the perspectives each member of my family brings. My husband demonstrates patience and logic. My daughter exhibits tenderness toward every living thing. My son combines a will of iron with an unparalleled charm. Most days I feel I just bring a pervading sense of worry to the mix, but I realize my love binds our pack together. Each of these elements strengthen our family and shape how we each address problems in life. This is how we thrive and grow. My notion of a pack has begun to extend beyond my immediate family and into the communities with which I surround myself. It has begun to affect how I view the abilities of those around me and the ways in which we encourage, or discourage, the people in our lives. As I referenced above, children can be the catalyst for big things. 

“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the Strength of the Wolf is the Pack.”

Tiffany